It's Been a While
Baby Cyril is 16 months old and he's entering toddlerhood, constantly testing boundaries and giving me this look that says, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to do this but you said I couldn't do it at breakfast and this is lunch, can I throw my food at lunch? Then I say, "It looks like you're thinking about throwing your food, if you throw your food lunch is over." He's missed one too many meals after that threat so he knows I'm serious and shoves it in his mouth.
If you listen really closely he is talking, it might sound like gobbly ti gook but he is using words, he knows the words he's using as well so I try my best not to downsize what he's saying. If I can't figure it out, I just say "Wow, you have a lot to say about that. That sounds very interesting, tell me more. You look very excited about something." Or another phrase along those lines. Some words he says very clearly, car being the best. He practices that all day long, it's particularly funny if we're in a parking lot because he just points and says "car, car, car, car, car, car, etc." He can also say tractor but it usually sounds like "ka ka". He can say mama, dada, haba and he's started calling rabby, the love of his life, mama which I find really sweet but I'm not sure why he's calling her mama. I can only think he says mama when he leaves her as if to say, "Mama is coming I have to leave you now. Or it's mama's fault I don't want to leave you yet." Or maybe, just maybe, he loves me so much he's decided to name his stuffed toy after me. The cutest thing he does is put his hands up and say "All gone, pronounced, gaga" after he's finished eating or drinking something. I've been doing that since he started eating and now he copies me and when those hands go up it's the cutest thing in the world. A lot of times he says "ga" and points which I think means got or what's that. I often say to him "What ya got?" which is terrible grammar I know so need to work on that one. Otherwise he's not saying a lot of clear words but I know he's talking so I'm not worried about it at all, the words will come when he's developmentally ready.
Food, he loves food. I did baby led weaning with him and I've always tried to keep mealtimes low stress. They were starting to get a little too stressful for my liking recently so I researched parenting blogs and books to exhaustion and came across something called RIE parenting, it suits me to a tee and has changed my life with Cyril. Fortunately I was using a lot of the strategies that RIE supports but it has fine tuned everything and made me feel confident and calm as a parent. I can't remember the last time I raised my voice or got frustrated with Cyril. Mealtimes are really enjoyable now. We sit at a low table that's his size, unless we're having a family meal. He's allowed to get up when he wants but he knows that once he gets up the meal is over and he can't have anything to eat until the next snack or meal. You're probably thinking, but what if he didn't eat anything and he's hungry? Too bad, he won't do it too many times before he realises I mean business. He hasn't skipped a meal or snack in a really long time and yesterday he sat at his little table for 1 hour eating his breakfast, now that's stamina! I sat with him the whole time while he picked one piece of cereal out of his bowl at a time, never rushing him. When he was finished he said "gaga" and I wiped his hands and face and he was free to explore. Last night he hung a bean burrito over the side of the table and looked at me, he was testing to see if I would enforce the boundary. I said, "It looks like you're going to drop your burrito, you must not be hungry, if you drop your burrito I'm taking your food away." He put the burrito in his mouth. It's completely normal for babies to test, cry and throw tantrums based on boundaries we set. I never stop a tantrum. If he throws one at the table and starts grabbing things I remove the plate, cup, etc. and tell him I'm going to put him on the ground so he is safe. I then might say, "You look angry, I think you were upset that I wouldn't let you feed the dog your food. I can't let you feed the dog it will make him sick." Then I sit next to him until he stops screaming or crying. If he wants a hug, which 90% of the time he does, I always allow it and then we move on as if it never happened. Emotions are good, they're a great release for little ones, think how good it feels after we've had a good cry. I never say, "you're alright, you're alright" anymore. It sounds a harmless thing to say but when he's crying he's clearly not alright and if I keep saying this to him I'm telling him that it's not OK to express his emotions and that sadness is a bad thing. I used to say it because I din't want him to get in the habit of crying every time he fell but I've realised since reading about RIE that it's best to acknowledge all emotions even if we think they're ridiculous, because they're not ridiculous to the baby. Instead I now say, "You hurt yourself and you feel sad." Then I move towards him and if he wants a hug he usually runs to get one but a lot of the time just being close to him and acknowledging his feelings is enough to cause him to spring up and start running again.
OK, so I massively digressed and never got to his favourite food which at the moment is strawberries, meat but in particular he likes hamburgers, granola bars, yogurt, french toast, rice cakes, toast with almond butter banana coconut and honey, pasta primavera, and any smoothie I whip up.He's not just walking but running, climbing, jumping, you name it. Yesterday at swimming he held on to the side of the pool and to the teacher's and my astonishment climbed out of the pool by himself. He then got back in when asked and climbed down backwards. It won't be long before he's attempting to climb out of his crib although he loves sleep so much that he might never start that habit, we'll soon see.
His sleep is great, in fact it's amazing. At the moment he's taking one 2 hour nap in the middle of the day which means he has dropped his morning nap and added it onto his nighttime sleep. He regularly sleeps 14 hours at night. Usually from 7pm until 9am. Another reason why we continue to postpone baby number 2. I like to think that we've contributed to his healthy sleep routine but maybe it is nature, we'll only know for certain when the second baby comes and rocks our world.
The last thing I want to say is that he understands a lot more than people give him or any baby credit for, and I mean a lot more. In fact when I started adopting RIE techniques I was shocked by just how much he understood. The other night I said to him, "Do you want to go to bed now or in 5 minutes?" He dropped his toys and started climbing up the stairs and into his bedroom where he waited for me to come in to put on his sleeping bag. First, I was shocked that he knew what I said and second I was shocked that he chose sleeping over playing. Yesterday I said, "You have a dirty nappy, we're going to change it in 5 minutes." Then I said, "It's time to change your nappy do you want to walk to the bathroom or do you want me to carry you?" He walked in on his own so I then said, "I need you on this towel, do you want to lay down by your self or do you want me to help you." He sat on the towel himself but I had to help lay him down. He understood everything I said. Also, speaking to him like this will no doubt increase his vocabulary one day because rather than doing things to him I'm openly communicating what I'm going to do and then actually doing it so he'll soon pick up on a lot more language.
Sorry for the long post, here are a few pics to sweeten it up :)
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| With his best friend. |
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| Rock obseion |
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| Playing with his cousin Anisha |
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| Strutting his stuff. Suns out guns out. |
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| Having fun with friends at Walby |
I continue to cutback on technology. The TV is never on when Cyril is awake so I don't actually think he even knows what it is. Josh and I maybe watch an hour after he goes to bed but that is usually on a Sunday, other nights we read or go to bed super early. I'd love to get rid of the TV but Josh refuses and since it's his I have no say in the matter. In the car I often drive in silence or try to have a conversation with Cyril which at the moment is one direction but sometimes he responds with some babbling to amuse me. I love music but my car only plays the radio and I find the radio causes me stress because the people are so irritating and the music is really not that great so it's better to have nothing. I've deleted facebook from my cell phone so I have to actually go on the computer if I want to look up stuff. I probably check facebook only 1-2 times a week now because it's not as easy to access it and I really don't miss it. I leave my phone on my desk when Cyril is awake and only check it during nap time or before we leave for a walk and even then it's just to see if Josh or my friends have sent me a message about meeting up. The phone is left on silent when Cyril is awake so I don't feel the pull of all the dings and whistles. All notifications are switched off apart from text messages, and what's app. The last thing I need to tackle is my constant internet research. I read a ton of stuff about parenting online through blogs and articles. This can consume a lot of time that would be better spent enjoying the child I'm trying to be the perfect parent for. Now that I've found RIE I think I can stop doing internet research but I will continue to read a handful of my favourite blogs because they bring me a lot of joy and motivation to stay mindful and calm and with my personality I need a lot of practice being calm!
If you're still reading here are my book recommendations:
Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection...
Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities- From the Very Start By: Magda Gerber
No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame By: Janet Lansbury (She also has an amazing blog called Respectful Parenting)
Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting By: Janet Lansbury
Parenting with Presence: Practices for Raising Conscious, Confident, Caring Kids (Still reading this one)
Lastly, for reals this time, repeat after me "I am a great mom/dad."
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