I got Helicopter Parented by the Dog Groomer ...

I just read a blog on the Respectful Parenting site about a woman who got helicopter parented at her cycling class. When I got to the end of the blog I thought, "Oh my god, I just got helicopter parented at the dog groomers." At this point you're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about so let me elaborate.

When I got back from my 5 week trip this Summer Hobson's dreads were really bad. I phoned the groomers and they couldn't get him in for 2 months. So for the past 2 months I have tried my best to bathe and brush his hair to no avail. The brushes were no match for that sheepdog coat, I would just have to wait until November 12th. Cue extreme excitement this morning when I knew he would finally have his coat sorted and be bringing less crap into the house. Also, he would probably be a lot more comfortable and I felt happy knowing that.

I eagerly dragged him in through the front door of the groomers this morning because I forgot his leash. The guy walked out and said, "No leash? In what sounded like a condescending tone but I brushed it off as me overreacting." I said, "No I'm really sorry I forgot, it was a mad rush to get the baby strapped into the car seat and the dog settled in the back and it just slipped my mind." He then asked me what I was having done. I said, "His coat is really bad, it's full of dreads." He then started to feel Hobson and said, "Oh my god this is awful, what is he wearing pantaloons? When was the last time you had him groomed?!" I told him I bathe him at home and try to brush him myself but it was a year since he'd been done professionally and the person who last groomed him only told me I needed to do it once or twice a year. At which point he interrupted me and said, "Well I don't know what book you're reading but that information is wrong." He repeated that twice before I loudly interrupted him and said, "I'm not reading a book. Your grooming department was the one who told me that last year. I was in America for 5 weeks and when..." "Well this is more than 5 weeks damage and I never told you that, you need to have him groomed every week!" Anyway it went on like this for a further 10 minutes, at which point my face was bright red and I was at the point of tears. He finally decided I needed to bring Hobson in every 3 months I guiltily left the office feeling like the worst dog owner on the planet. I felt even worse when I walked out to my muddy car and the receptionist came out to help me back up so I wouldn't hit her pristine brand new Audi that probably cost her £60,000. For the record I am a very cautious driver and even though people everywhere probably think my car is a piece of junk I wouldn't have hit her car and am not blind so could have backed out perfectly well on my own. I showed up to the groomers full of energy and excitement and in 10 minutes I was nearly in tears.

The Groomer made me feel

1. Incompetent. I left home that morning feeling like a good dog owner and I left the groomers feeling as though I neglected my dog. He never asked me why his dreads were so bad he just assumed that I didn't brush or clean him. Hobson's dreads are bad because I walk him every day for 2 hours, rain or shine, mud or snow and then I towel him off afterwards so he's not wet. Do I brush him everyday? Absolutely not. I'm also trying to keep a toddler fed, clothed and happy so I'm sorry if he doesn't get bathed and brushed daily.

2. Embarrassed. I was ashamed of Hobson's appearance even though that very morning I sat and remarked how beautiful and clean he looked. I was embarrassed about my puergot 407 mom car, appropriately named smurfette last weekend, and it's inch of dirt covering it. In fact I was so ashamed I almost skipped Cyril's play group so I could get it washed.

3. Doubt. Maybe I shouldn't have a dog, clearly I'm not capable of staying on top of his hygiene.

4. Angry. After a few tears I pulled myself together and became angry. Who does this guy think he is speaking to a customer like that? I'll take his advice on getting him groomed more frequently but I'm not going to feel guilty about the past. I'm standing here in his office because I know my dog needs a hair cut, surely that's better then a lot of dog owners who do far worse things to their pets then skip a haircut.

All I know is that when I walked out of his office I felt like a child who had been scolded at the principal's office. He should have asked a few questions before jumping to conclusions and interrupting me every time I tried to speak. It made me realise that when we speak to children it might help us to first connect, ask a few questions about why they did something and then listen fully without interrupting before offering advice, or maybe we don't offer any advice and see if they can come up with their own solution. I came up with a solution on my own pretty quickly, I'm going to plan 30 minutes a week to focus solely on brushing Hobson, and I'm writing it on my calendar so I don't forget. Before we jump to conclusions or pass judgements on people for the way they raise their families, pets, or take care of themselves maybe we need to stop and ask them why first or look at their situation from a different perspective and don't comment at all. Who knows we might even gain some insight and grow a little.

I'm curious to see how our conversation goes this afternoon when I pick up Hobson. I'm confident he'll have a list of to do items for me but I'll be better prepared this time :) and for the record, this is a photo of Hobson last Autumn and he hadn't been groomed recently, now you tell me if this dog looks neglected?