The Eccentric American Mama in Cumbria

"It is wonderful that human beings are willing to let go of even their smallest corners of secrecy and privacy, so that their holding on to anything is gone completely. That is very brave. -Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche The story below is written by an anonymous follower of my blog. After battling with PPD for months, and reading many stories on the topic, she is hoping to share her story in the hopes that if it helps even one woman battling with this destroyer of all things amazing about motherhood she will have succeeded. I hope you take the time to read and share her story. What amazed me was that PPD looked and felt so different then it did to my own experience yet we had many similarities. Sometimes the silent killer is difficult to spot until you hear how others experience it.  I continually read blogs and articles about fellow Post Natal Depression sufferers spreading the word of this mental health illness, encouraging more awareness and bringing comfort to myself a...

How is little Sage Malia 3 months old and I have yet to do a blog post about her, pretty sure Cyril had about 10 at this age, ha. Well anyway I think it's pretty obvious why I have only managed to squeeze a handful of posts out since she was born, cut me some slack, I flew across the Atlantic solo with a toddler and infant, now that deserves a big fucking medal but I digress and I promise to keep this short and sweet just like Sage. Speaking of sweet can we just say that if I had this little lady first I would have seriously questioned why people found motherhood hard? I'm not saying motherhood is easy with her, I still have a completely hyperactive toddler that throws himself on the floor every morning when I accidentally give him the yellow spoon (which he asked for by the way) instead of the blue one, but this is about Sage and I'm not lying when I say the following: * She rarely cries. I think we went a 36 hour period with no tears apart from the most pathetic...

I've been doing a lot of top 10 posts lately, I think it helps me to keep things more concise and I often finish them more quickly which is great when you have 2 littles to care for. As a full-time mama I have the luxury of taking off whenever I want and staying for as long as I want, that is until Cyril starts school. Unfortunately this also means that I do the majority of my travelling solo, in fact I think Josh has only flown with us twice, our mega awesome holiday but horrific flight experience to California 2 years ago and our totally awesome flight and trip to Portugal last year. Usually he meets us for part of the trip and has the luxury of child free flying, which by the way I didn't realise was a luxury until I started travelling with children, but I digress. 1. Always, I repeat, always phone the airline and request a bassinet seat if your child is under 2. Even if your child is 23 months and 2 weeks (as Cyril was in February when we travelled) request the damn...

unrelated image but too cute not to share If you're anything like me you wanted to breastfeed for 18 months. Unfortunately an inoperable tongue tie and thrush combination got in the way of carrying out that dream. Reading too many stories of women that were able to breastfeed successfully after weeks of trying with a tongue tie gave me hope. However, after 10 weeks effort and Sage firmly announcing (with Soper ferocity) last night that she would just prefer the bottle I finally realised just how selfish I have been. In my quest to breastfeed at all cost Sage lost 7 ounces one week, another week she cried while she was latched on, another week she had to endure her mother crying during every bottlefeed, and for what, a couple of ounces of antibodies? It was not all miserable, we had many happy breastfeeding moments which is probably why hope stuck around for as long as it did. This morning I happily expressed 3 ounces and I will carry on expressing when I have some spare time ...

Ten things that make me happy everyday: 1. This quote: "One day you'll look back and realise you worried too much about things that didn't really matter. And you will actually be glad things didn't work out the way you wanted them to. So stop it. Stop overthinking. You can't control everything. Just let it be. Let go of what's gone, be grateful for what remains, look forward for what's to come. Because eventually you will end up where you need to be, with who you're meant to be with, and doing what you should be doing. Have faith and hope there is something new and positive on the horizon, you just can't see it yet. But what is meant for you will not pass you by." 2. Sage's smile whenever I look at her, enter the room, she hears my voice, or I rescue her from the crib. 3. Cyril talking, "Want more ah ba pease." "Had nice time at nusahney." "No Rabbie, be naughty, haf ta be gentle." "...

Here we go again except this time it's lasted longer or I was unaware of what was happening until much later. With both children I think breastfeeding struggles caused the depression, but I can't be certain. If breastfeeding was a success it is very likely I would have still felt some degree of guilt or sadness as my attention is now divided and I feel like I'm not meeting anyone's needs. One thing is for certain, I feel like a failure and every time Sage cries I feel inadequate. I know she needs/wants the breast but after weeks of some underlying problem, she managed to latch on only to be disappointed by my dwindling milk supply. I worked hard for a week to get it back up but my efforts were either futile or her latch was inefficient because she once again returned to the bottle. In the back of my mind I know I could rent a hospital grade pump, again, and attempt to get my supply up by expressing every 2-3 hours. I've read the success stories, many women ...