I Had Errands to Run and a House to Clean ...

I had errands to run and a house to clean ...

Coffee, milk, dog food for Hobson, cat food for the cat we haven't seen in months, who refuses to come when we call him, only sneaking in here and there to grab a bite of food before venturing out for the day to most likely chase field mice or terrorise the other local cats. Dinner, oh god what are we going to have for dinner, hamburgers again? No they sit like a rock in my stomach. Pizza? Maybe, but what about when we start weaning Cyril, can we have pizza then, probably not, better not get into the habit. Speaking of weaning, he's 21 weeks, only 3 weeks to go until we get started on this train and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Puree or baby-led? Who knows and quite frankly who the fuck cares how I feed him as long as he learns how to chew and swallow it'll be a success right? Oh god what if he doesn't learn to swallow, will I have to tube feed him for life, or use a food processor forever, god I hate the food processor, so hard to clean, baby led weaning it is, at least it'll make Hobson happy. Is he awake from his nap already, I've only just started my list, and pardon my language but jesus christ the house looks like a tornado came through it. I only vacuumed yesterday but there are chunks of Hobson's hair resembling tumbleweed floating around the house and good god don't get me started on the kitchen, what is that red stuff stuck to the wall, is it blood or spaghetti sauce? We haven't had spaghetti since we've moved in, must be blood, better disinfect the kitchen while I'm at it, good god would he just stop crying, so much to do, so little time. I check the monitor one more time just to make sure he's awake, even though the cries could wake up the entire village, he might just miraculously self soothe himself back into dreamland so I can wipe the blood/sauce off the wall. No such luck, better hoist Hobson up to lick it off, I heard dogs tongues are pretty clean. How can that be possible when he eats poop and licks his you know what all day long, no time to think about it now the baby is crying and will be forever damaged if I let him cry for longer than 2 minutes, at least that's what all the books say, time to burn the books, I need at least 5 more minutes!

I go upstairs, enter the room, expecting the crying to carry on, as soon as I walk past the crib and he senses my presence he lets out a proper laugh, I'm not talking a giggle, or a little smile, I'm talking a laugh that comes up from his gut and explodes out in one breath of pure joy that I've come to his rescue. I soften a bit more. I go over to open his curtains so that I can actually make out what the objects are in this bat cave, and I glance back into his crib, his little eyes squinting as the light has hit them too quickly, but the smile, it's still there. He knows I'm in the room now and is trying frantically to adjust to the light so that he can look up at my face. I just watch him, melted from the inside out by his innocence, his happiness at knowing that I've come to his rescue. Then they open, those big blue eyes, they're so perfect they bring tears to my eyes, and his smile, that grin, it melts my heart, he shakes his body in pure excitement upon the realisation that it is in fact mama who has come in to rescue him from the confines of the cot. Then he hears Hobson breathing and laughs out loud because although he doesn't know what Hobson is yet, he laughs every time he sees him, and I know that deep down he loves him just like the rest of the family. I lift him out, he's still sleepy so his body curls up against me and his head rests upon my chest, probably my favourite moment of the day. We look at the hot air balloon mobile and he tries to reach out and grab one to taste it but it's too quick for him right now. I think about rushing around the house, putting him in his bouncer/seat/playmat so I can finish my list and start my cleaning but I decide to relish the moment. We walk over to the mirror, he's shy when he sees his reflection and curls into my chest again. We walk past the tumbleweed downstairs, the pile of laundry, the sink full of dishes, the clutter that is nearly up to the ceiling and into the living room where I put him on my yoga mat. For the next 20 minutes I decide that everything else in the world can wait, it's our time to be together, he'll only be this little for so long and one day I'll look back and wish I just left the house a mess and spent more time staring into those innocent eyes. I glance over at my phone, 10 new messages, 20 new facebook notifications, 30 emails, they can all wait, in fact I vow to never use my phone while he is awake again, life is too precious to spend all of my time on the phone, life is unfolding right in front of me.

I had errands to run and a house to clean ...