Life

"Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, 'Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?' " Mitch Albom

I've learned a lot my first year of parenting, some things I wish never to repeat and others I'd repeat all day long if I was able to. The amount of growth that has happened this year to both Cyril and I is shocking. There was a point, maybe halfway through through my first year as a parent that I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in guilt, regret, impatience, and anger. Anger at the dog, anger at Cyril, anger at Josh and anger at myself for deciding to leave my closest friends and family behind when I needed them more then anything. There was also a feeling of loneliness. Days when I would wake up to an empty house apart from Hobson barking and Cyril crying, in those dark moments I did what any good mother would do and I put one foot in front of the other and prayed for the best. I also got out of the house as soon as possible and met up with my new tribe of mothers who offered unconditional support and the freedom to rant about anything without judgement, including when I kicked Hobson in a moment of rage and tore one of my stitches. Karma is a bitch. But you cannot grow as a person if you haven't experienced difficulty.

Around the 8 month mark I knew something had to change, I had reached my breaking point. I no longer dreamed of two children because I felt I wasn't even capable of taking care of the one I had in the house, who by the way is a pretty laid back baby. Without going through all the boring ways I came to be the person I am right now I'm just going to share a couple strategies and things I've done that have made me happier and more full of life then I've ever been before.

1. Wake up and start to notice what's around you. I started to really notice Cyril and I feel like I can finally understand him

I know ..

He is ticklish right above his kneecaps and that when you tickle him there his whole face scrunches up with laughter and his laugh is so adorable it can make a whole room burst into a giggling frenzy.

He has only one full tooth but he'll use it to bite through any apple or orange peel even if it takes him half a day to eat the yummy contents inside.

If you try to peel his orange he'll have a complete meltdown that lasts for at least 30 minutes unless you give him a new orange to work on.

He loves an audience and if he does something he's proud of you better give him a big round of applause.

He laughs every time Hobson licks his hand and he gets excited whenever he sees an animal

He rubs rabby's ears just like his mama did when she was a little girl

He points at the sound machine or grabs his sleeping bag when he's ready for a nap

He loves to be outside rolling in the dirt, collecting rocks and jumping in puddles.

He'll stand at the top of the stairs and look at you until you come back up to hold his hand and help him walk down like a big boy, crawling down is no longer good enough.

He loves hide and seek, the second I get down on my hands and knees he gets a huge grin and starts running away, this also excites Hobson.

2. Start a morning routine, even if it means waking up 10 minutes earlier to have some time to yourself. There are some mornings, like yesterday, when I needed the extra 15 minutes of sleep so I allowed myself to sleep until Cyril woke up at 7. However, today I woke up at 5am and was ready to start the day. Below is a morning routine I've decided to start that works for me.

I wake up at least 1 hour before Cyril. Drink a large glass of water, smell the coffee beans (it's an obsession of mine) make a large cup of coffee and go outside with Hobson, weather permitting. This morning we sat together on the picnic table. It was a gorgeous morning and I soaked up every inch of it. I didn't let my mind wander too much and kept bringing myself back to what was around me. It reminded me of days camping with Josh and mornings on the farm. This one simple act brought me so much joy because I have so many fond memories waking up to nature with Josh and a cup of coffee, no electronics in sight. Also, at the farm we often sit out on the porch and just stare at the natural world around us, my parents don't have wifi and cell reception isn't the best.

3. Unplug or become a Hands Free Mama. One hour before bed I unplug all electronics, TV, cell phone, computer, etc. I simply sit and drink my chamomile tea. I want to start using this time to practice yoga, do some stretches and foam roll. It's a great way for me to unwind and it helps me fall asleep more easily.

4. I pick one ordinary routine and create a ritual around it. When I wash the dishes, I no longer feel hatred towards the task. In fact, I now know why my mother said washing dishes was so relaxing. I go into the kitchen after Cyril is asleep and I marvel in the quiet around me. If I'm really dreading the task I put on my favourite tunes, light a candle and get to work.

5. Meditation. This morning I did my meditation outside while listening to the birds and feeling the cool breeze on my face, it was wonderful.

6. List what's important to you. I've come up with a couple: 

• Family time without cell phones or electronics and if the weather is nice outdoor activities are a bonus.
• Being fit and eating healthy
• Experiencing childhood again through Cyril
• Josh, Cyril and Hobson

*Of course my friends and other family members are extremely important to me but it's Josh Cyril and Hobson I see every single day.

Then I look at my to do list and remove anything that doesn't align with what's most important in my life. Things need to get done every day but I try to keep it to a maximum of 3 so that I have more family time.

7. I've started speaking positively to  myself. Rather than looking in the mirror and noticing my flaws I've started thanking my body for all it does for me everyday without fail. I thank my legs for allowing me to go on a bike ride and my lungs for helping me get up that hill with the extra weight of Cyril.

These past few weeks I've done a lot to thank my body because when I see my husband's father who is dying from a terminal illness and has now lost the use of his legs, I can't help but think of that quote I opened this post with. We never know when it's our last day on this beautiful planet, Am I doing all I can today? If I lost the use of my legs tomorrow would I be grateful for how often I did use them when I was able to? If the answer is no then I try to figure out how I can incorporate something into my day that aligns with my values.

"You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now."

Congratulations to Aaron and Alex on the birth of their daughter Ani Robin Cinquemani it makes me so happy to share motherhood with you :)