Five Tips for Visiting a Family With a Newborn

Don't get me wrong we all love an adorable romper or cuddly stuffed animal but when a baby enters a family these items just don't seem to stack up next to a home cooked meal or an offer to take the dog for a walk.

I have a lot of friends expecting babies this year and suspect they would be too scared to ask for what they really want post baby so please feel free to share my blog if you agree with any and all of the items on the list.

1. Bring Food! I'm extremely organised yet have never managed to come to terms with batch cooking. Our refrigerator and freezer are constantly empty and I prefer to cook fresh. Also, whenever I think I'm batch cooking my boys devour the entire meal leaving nothing but crumbs to freeze. 

Don't fancy cooking or don't have the time yourself to bake for a new mummy then bring breakfast items from the shop. Be honest, how many times do you wake up and realise you have no milk, fruit, cereal or bread?

When my brother had his baby a friend of theirs created a meal schedule for the first 2 weeks. She called their friends and asked if they could bring a breakfast, lunch or dinner item and if so on what day. The first two weeks were spent focusing on the baby not worrying about what to eat.

Some food advice:

• Make sure the parents don't have to do any prep work. If you bring them a bunch of vegetables they'll likely rot in the fridge. Instead wash and chop everything, put it in a large ziploc bag and include dressing on the side. This is one reason casseroles are so popular.
• Don't forget about breakfast items. Yogurt, granola, banana bread and fresh fruit would make any new mum or dad jump for joy and it requires very little time on your part.
• Beverages are also welcome. Hydration is key if you're breastfeeding and who doesn't love a good bottle of wine or pint of beer to make them feel normal again. Some suggestions are sparkling water, fresh fruit juice, milk, beer, wine and ready to drink smoothies.
• Don't forget about nutritious snacks. We all love a piece of cake but even cake gets old after a day or two. Opt for cheese cubes, hummus and chopped veg, granola bars, muffins, roasted nuts, crudités with dip, guacamole and tortilla chips or even a meat and cheese platter instead.

2. Give the other children your attention first. If the family already has a child bring them a little gift instead of or in addition to the baby. It could even be something as simple as a special cookie or an offer to help them build a tower or train track. If the child is young they'll likely feel left out as everyone coos over the adorable newborn.  If it's the couple's first child give the parents your attention, the baby is clueless. 

3. Don't offer just do it. If you offer the couple will most likely refuse because they'll feel awkward accepting help in their own house. Do make them a cup of tea, wash the dishes, put a load of laundry in the machine and clean up any mess you might have created during your visit. If you're visiting days after the baby is born you're most likely a close friend or family member so the parents shouldn't feel uncomfortable with you cleaning up, however if they're very particular you might want to ask before you act. Another tip, try not to ask the mother too many questions about where things are or how she wants things done. If you're unsure spend 5 minutes looking or pull dad aside. I'm terrible at making decisions at the best of times and remember feeling overwhelmed after Cyril was born at the simplest of questions such as what I wanted for breakfast, just pick something, I'll eat it!

4. Offer to take the baby for a walk or have a cuddle so the mother and father can take a shower or rest. Don't just grab the baby when you come to visit. Some mothers are territorial and don't want their babies to be held. Either ask or wait for the parents to offer you the baby and don't be disappointed if the offer never comes. I could go either way in this category, sometimes I feel overprotective and don't want my baby to be held and other times I can't get rid of them quickly enough. However, I would not be happy if someone marched into my house went over to the cot and grabbed the baby without asking first. You might think, who in their right mind would do this? Well it's happened to me before.

5. Bring an essential item. This will differ for all mums and I for one hate clutter and having extra items on hand, especially in our small living space. Items that immediately come to my mind, and that are used up quickly in our household are nappy salve, beer/wine, milk, flowers/house plant, food, Epsom salts, coconut oil, dog biscuits and fruit.

I hope this helps! You know your friends and family best.  These tips are what work for us and will not suit everyone.

Lastly, as D-Day approaches, I just want to say that we welcome visitors at the hospital and our home. Of course don't show up unannounced but please don't hesitate to send us a text if you want to meet the latest Soper. I'm very social and I hated that we had so few visitors after Cyril was born, it was one of the reasons I developed post-partum depression. I know some mums only welcome immediate family following the birth and others like a two week wait but I am NOT one of those mothers and will be sad if you don't come. You'll have to check with the hospital for visiting hours or send me a text but please please please come over, we'll need a large community of support to get through those early weeks and we're always down for a beer :)