Breastfeeding information From One Amazing Mama to Another

A letter from a dear friend in California when I was recovering from a traumatic birth, struggling to breastfeed, and finding it difficult to find any light in my days. Most of the advice is breastfeeding related and should be read by anyone who is pregnant, recently had a baby or is experiencing any difficulty nursing. You're not alone and this advice could save you from a lot of pain. I wouldn't have known I had mastitis if it wasn't for Lauren. 

Hi Tatiana!

Okay. So here are my opinions and things I learned- obviously I am NOT a professional. 

Nipple shields- I never used one. This could help your nipples from getting raw. After three days, I started bleeding from Emma. It is unbelievably painful. To be honest, it takes about 1 month for it to be almost bearable. I think it took me a lot longer. I would cringe every time I went to feed her. It got so bad, that I’d start to cry before I knew I had to feed her because it would hurt so badly. I feel your pain. 

If you start bleeding or cracking, it could be that Cyril isn’t latching quite well enough. So your midwife/lactation consultant is going to have to help you fix that. Don’t wait too long to see them about this. It is not worth waiting. Trust me. 

To help out his feedings, before you feed him, you can massage your breasts to get the milk flowing. Do this for a few minutes, and you can see how if you compress a little, milk will start to come out. This will kind of prime your boobs for him, and maybe he won’t get so frustrated. Also, as you’re nursing him, you can gently compress/massage your boobs to help the flow come out a little faster/stronger. But be GENTLE- I gave myself bruises from pressing too hard.

I’ve read that cabbage leaves are to be used if you are trying to lessen your milk supply. So I wouldn’t try that unless you got that advice from your midwife.

Lanolin cream- I used this, but I think at the beginning, I used too much. When no one was around, I’d wear no shirt and just let my boobs dry out on their own, because rubbing them against clothes hurt like a bitch. Also, after a feeding, expressing a little bit of breast milk and rubbing it around your nipple as you air dry them can help.

Preventing blebs (nipple blisters). These lovely things are the most miniscule little white dots that you get on your nipples- like smaller than the period on the end of this sentence. And they hurt like A MOTHER. It’s a little bit of dried up milk that hardens and it is comparable to getting a gnarly paper cut on your nipple, then imagine Cyril feeding off it- it’s torture. To prevent these, after you feed him, press/squeeze a little on your nipples to get out the little bit of milk left in there. If you get one, you can get a gentle washcloth and some hot water, and gently rub the skin to loosen up the milk dot- you aren’t supposed to pop them. I did once… It didn’t make it heal any faster, so I wouldn’t recommend it. 

Pumping: After a few days of nursing Emma, I was bloody and raw. My lactation consultant had me pump for a week so my nipples could heal. It took a full week to heal because how gnarly they had gotten. Pumping was awful, but it gave my boobs a little break from Emma. I would recommend getting some kind of pump at some point, and not waiting too long. This would also help you get a nap in, because you could pump, and let Josh do a feeding. But I do think they recommend waiting until the baby has a good, solid latch before introducing any bottle nipples. But, with Emma- it had to be sooner for us. And she honestly did great switching back and forth between my boobs and the bottle. And I had some friends who only breastfed for months, and then their babies would never take a bottle. So that’s not good either. Just something to think about. 

Water: I drank gallons of water because I heard that would help my milk supply. I have learned that is not good to do. You need to drink when you are thirsty, like normal. Maybe slightly more, but don’t over do it.

Formula vs. Breast milk. Where I live now is very earthy and hippy-like, you’d love it. ;) So everyone is way into breastfeeding. I totally jumped on the bandwagon. But for me, I never made enough milk for Emma. I literally tried EVERYTHING you could possibly try, and I was really hard on myself about it. 

At one point, I was pumping more than 6 hours a day, and now when I look back on it, it makes me sad. If I tally up all the time I spent attached to a wall, I missed weeks that I could have spent with Emma. I have had some issues with attachment and bonding with her too, and I think that my excessive pumping and obsession with breastfeeding her was a reason for that. Looking back, I wish I would have just accepted the fact I didn’t produce much milk, and instead let myself enjoy the newborn cuddling that I could have had. 

Someone told me, it’s your responsibility to FEED your baby, NOT breastfeed your baby, and that helped my anxiety. I was able to give Emma mostly breast milk for the first 3 months, then it got to be 50% when I went back to work, and now at 6 months, I really just nurse her in the mornings (more like, she just plays with my boob because I think it’s actually empty ;). 

A word of caution. My friend who was a milk COW (she could pump 6-8 oz in a feeding, and I seriously hated her for a while), all of a sudden wasn’t able to pump as much, and her daughter refused to take formula and she was incredibly stressed because she couldn’t produce enough milk for her. She said she wished she had introduced a little formula at the beginning, just so that her daughter could have gone back and forth between the two more easily on an as needed basis. I’ve also had multiple people tell me that they once their babies were a few weeks old, they did a formula bottle at night, and that they slept slightly longer because the formula was a little harder for babies to digest, so they wouldn’t wake up hungry as quickly. Then the moms could just pump, and go to sleep faster. Just food for thought….  literally. ;) 

Clogged ducts: This feels like you have a golf ball or a ping pong ball in your boob or near your arm pit. You need to massage the area, put a warm wet cloth on your boob, and massage it while you are pumping or nursing. You need to empty out your milk or it could possibly turn into mastitis. 

Mastitis: the feeling that your boob may explode from the inside out. This is a boob infection caused by a clogged duct. You go from feeling fine and dandy to all of a sudden feeling like you have a severe flu with a fever, and your boob/s are in an incredible amount of pain. This can get really dangerous if you don’t take care of it quickly. You need to call your midwife right away and they will put you on medicine. You need to massage your boobs and either feed or pump as often as possible. You need to take this seriously.  It is awful.

Lots of babies have their days and nights confused. During the day, you were walking around and he was moving around in your belly, kind of being rocked- so he was lulled to sleep. When you tried to sleep at night, he was probably kicking you all the time telling you to get up and walk around so he could fall back asleep. He’ll figure it out. Start to make his day time really light and noisy, and his dark time really quiet and dark. I’ve heard that helps.

Everyone says, “sleep when the baby sleeps”. It sounds dumb. But if Cyril is going to sleep from 12pm-4pm, then that’s when YOU absolutely need to sleep. Josh can’t help with the breastfeeding, but he can cook all of your meals, wash the clothes, and have snacks and water ready for you on demand. Seriously. He also needs to give you lots of hugs and tell you how good of a job you are doing. Seriously. 

Your body has literally gone through the hardest thing it will ever go through. Honestly, I felt great for like three days after labor – I had a 28 hour labor, which was horrific. But I think adrenaline helped me through those first few days, but after that, I crashed. I pushed it way too hard, and so I recommend taking it EASY. Taking walks sounds great now, but you need to save your energy. Also after 6 weeks, if your body doesn’t feel right (and I’m not saying that it doesn’t “look right” because it won’t look the same for a LONG time ;), talk to your midwife. I was having a lot of pain in my abs, but I lost the baby weight really quickly, so everyone assumed I was just being a weenie and I shouldn’t complain because I fit in my pants. Turns out, when my abs tried to heal up, they didn’t align properly and I wasn’t able to get out of bed without rolling and using my arms, I couldn’t lay down and lift my legs, and I couldn’t roll over without cringing. Jogging or fast walking was impossible. I was in so much pain for months, and I had to go to physical therapy to fix it. So take yourself seriously. You know what your body is supposed to feel like, so trust that. 

The first few weeks seem impossible, but after about 3 weeks, my lactation lady told me that woman can go one 6 hour period a day without emptying their breasts and not let it affect their supply (unless you’re in pain/engorged). Lack of sleep can affect your supply, your ability to care for your baby and your mood! So, what she recommended was this: at night, you breastfeed baby at 9pm, and go to sleep until 3am. Josh goes to bed at midnight after he feeds Cyril, and you take over at 3am, to let Josh sleep until 6am. Does that make sense? Then you are both getting a 6 hour chunk, and Josh gets bonding time with the baby too. And that schedule is more realistic for Josh if he is working too. 

I had a lot of trouble producing milk- but here are some things that helped me a little, and for typical women, could help a lot. Ask your midwife before using any of them.

-       Supplements: fenugreek, blessed thistle, malangaay (spelling?), mother’s tea

-       Pumping after a feeding can help really empty out your boobs, so that they refill

-       Eating enough. For a while, I was too tired to eat or cook. Not good.

-       Massaging your boobs before a feeding

-       The barley in BEER is supposed to help. I tried this one a lot… haha. 

-       Oatmeal, oatmeal and more oatmeal. I ate so much oatmeal. The look of it just repulses me now. But it is supposed to help. 

http://kellymom.com

is a really good website for breastfeeding info

www.Pregnantchicken.com is a great blog to get in a giggle.

One last thing. Having a baby is life changing, and it is absolutely okay to question yourself and think, OMG what was I thinking having a baby. Sometimes I would look at Emma and feel nothing, then I would cry about feeling nothing because I felt guilty because I thought I was supposed to feel overwhelmed with love and in a constant state of bliss. But that was NOT the reality for me. I think that was all the transition of becoming a mom and realizing how hard it really was. I also think that I lost some of the important attachment time early on because of my pumping like I mentioned. But, Emma is 6 months now, and I couldn’t love her anymore. So I just want to tell you that it is absolutely normal to feel ALL kinds of feelings. You are going to have good and bad days, even good and bad hours. But if you feel depressed or have really negative thoughts, or after a few weeks, you just don’t feel like yourself mentally, tell your midwife and talk to her. You could have something off with your hormones, which they can help you with. Also, just be honest with Josh about everything. I love Matt to pieces and think he’s amazing, but I learned that I needed to tell him explicitly what I needed him from (like I needed more hugs, or needed him to encourage me, etc.).

I will be thinking of you. If you ever need to just vent or have any questions, I’ll help out the best I can, and I won’t judge or laugh at you. Promise. 

Hang in there, everyone says this which is annoying, but it’s true. IT’S ALL WORTH IT, and you’ll look back on this time fondly. I promise. But it’ll just take a few months….. 

 

Xoxo,

Lauren