A Pee, A Fight and The Best Damn Place for a Booze Cruise

Our Trip to Tenerife was warm, funny, eventful and filled with all kinds of hilarious stories. Here are 7 of our favourite memories from this trip.

1. Cyril peed on us. One afternoon as we thought both kids were asleep we noticed the gutter above our heads was dripping with what I thought was water. However, it hadn't rained in 6 days so I thought this rather odd. Josh being the smarty pants that he is immediately remarked, "Cyril just peed on us." He quickly ran upstairs and sure enough Cyril was on the master balcony peeing on the floor. It ran down into the gutter and landed perfectly into our bowl of crisps. It also splashed out of the bowl onto the banana I was feeding Sage. When Cyril came down he said he wanted the banana, I said, "Well you just peed on it so maybe you should get a different one." He grabbed it out of my hand and shoved it in his mouth. I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself.
2. The donut men on the beach had a fist fight over our heads. Fortunately after Josh pointed out that they were fighting over a 7 month old baby and a toddler, who was desperately trying to shove the donut in his mouth before it got covered in sand, the men moved 30 yards away. We actually started this fight but being ignorant I thought the men worked together. In a strange twist of fate both men walked past us at the same time. Cyril had been begging me for a donut and as it was our last day I told him as soon as I saw the men I would get him one. When I yelled "Hola!" Both men came running over. The original donut man told me £3 while the other one said £2. I was going to buy one from each man but when the one man heard the other undercutting his price it all kicked off resulting in a tray of donuts flying into the air, lots of punching and a few police cars later.
3. Sage dropped her pink rabbie called Shirley 2 miles away from the flat. At first we just put her to bed and said, she can't be that attached to the rabbit we'll just buy her another one. However, when she refused to settle and stop crying after Cyril so kindly gave her one of his Rabbie's I decided to leg it until I found her. It was 11pm, I had no bra on and everyone kept staring at me like I was some crazed lunatic. When I finally found her and ran back holding her above my head I heard many parents cheering and clapping as I ran past.
4. Booze Cruise. Let me just preface this by saying a booze cruise ain't what it used to be but as a parent you must improvise. This consisted of us getting the kids exhausted after a long day at the beach. We'd then pack them into the double buggy and Josh would run to the Supermarcado for a minimum of 6 beers. We'd then walk for 1-2 hours, depending on the length of the nap, drink our beers in the glorious sunshine and actually have an adult conversation while they were quiet, it was pure parenting heaven.
5. Sand. What is with kids and sand? The second we got to the beach Cyril literally dived head first into the sand and rolled his entire sun-creamed body in it. He couldn't get enough of it. Sage on the other hang grabbed fistfuls of it as though it was an amazing pastry and ate to her hearts content. Both kids had sand in every crevice and fat roll and Sage still has it deeply embedded into her cradle cap after Cyril threw a handful in her face.
6. We discovered this beautiful Spanish town right on the beach called La Caleta. Sadly we didn't notice it until our last day on the island but we will definitely consider staying there on a future trip. Don't get me wrong Del Duque is amazing with small families but it is much more upmarket. La Caleta seemed more our style and we were gutted we hadn't been able to enjoy more of the wonderful eateries along the coast and the really cool rocky beach.
7. Josh surfed 5 out of the 7 days on our holiday which is pretty amazing. I really wanted to surf but haven't bought a new board since mine got damaged on our honeymoon and my longboard is way too massive to travel with. Additionally Sage is pretty much a barnacle and I really think Josh would have struggled to keep both children alive without me being there ;)

Now on to the not so nice memories:

1. We arrived at the airport to torrential rain. The kind of rain where if you stand in it for 1 second you are soaked through to your underwear. Fortunately we chucked the kids rain covers in at the last minute and packed one raincoat each because we had a 600 yard jog uphill to the rental car company. When we arrived dripping with water and the car seats soaking wet the man behind the desk told us we booked the car for Malaga airport not Tenerife. He then proceeded to quote us a price 4 times what we found online. Unfortunately with 2 screaming children (Cyril just scratched Sage's face and made it bleed), 2 wet car seats and 2 very wet parents we coughed up the money. When Josh went to install the car seats both got damaged on the flight ... Fuck our lives
2. We went to Las Americas one night to this really great bar that has a playground outside and a nice water fountain. We were having a drink while Cyril played when I told Josh I was going to run to the bathroom. He was having a nice time dancing with Sage when I noticed Cyril walking away from the playground. What Josh didn't know was that I followed Cyril to see where he was going. He only walked 30 feet from the playground to a kiddie ride but was completely hidden from Josh's view. Josh panicked, started asking the little kids in Spanish what happened to his son and actually thought he had been abducted before he spotted me having a stern word with Cyril at the bus about running away.
3. On one of our booze cruises we decided to stop and get a margarita for us and smoothie for Cyril at this really cute strawberry shaped smoothie bar. Right as the guy finished making the margaritas he sneezed on our straws. I, being a complete germaphobe, threw my straw into the bin. Josh however took one sip before deciding that he better just drink out of the cup and now he's upstairs recovering from a horrendous head cold, whoops!
4. Cyril screamed during the entire 45 minute landing, no joke he shouted at the top of his lungs. I have probably flown with Cyril 20 times by myself and have never once heard him scream. This was the worst. It didn't help that Sage was sitting on my lap and it was 1am when we were landing. He just couldn't understand why Sage could sit on my lap but he couldn't be on Daddy's. We have since purchased a car seat that can go on the airplane. But it still makes me nervous for our red eye flight this August where I'll be flying with both children alone.

Post pee

Eating sand like it's going outta style