To My First Born

A little note to my first born before your sister enters the world and our lives forever change.

You're the little boy that stole my heart, not all at once, and certainly not on the first day you entered the world. Our bond was grown, little by little, day after day, as we both learned the ebb and flow of our life together. We've had our fair share of cuddles, laughter, bursts of insanity as well as moments of madness, frustration and tears. Everyday you teach me patience, love, kindness and how to slow down.

Mornings are both my favourite and worst time of the day. When I hear you shouting "Want big cuddles with Mama!" my heart melts, I love bursting into your room, or sometimes crawling in with Hobson behind me because I know that makes you giggle, and seeing your energetic eyes and big smile ready to face the day. However, after this heart melting morning routine I know all too well what will happen next if I don't have breakfast ready, commence meltdown mode. I try my hardest to work quickly but my clumsy hands are no competition for your grumbly tummy.

When I look at you all I can think is how adorable you are in every way. Your big blue eyes, straight blond hair, the fat rolls on your arms that are starting to fade, but most of all your huge crooked smile. When you laugh it's a proper full-bellied giggle and when we go out to play you're gentle with everyone and everything you encounter, even the ants crawling on your leg. You're fascinated by living things and you feed everything, no joke, I once saw you trying to feed your ice cream to the park bench.

I'm frightened about this next stage. It's always been you and me navigating our days together until Dada gets home. Our bond is special and I'm grateful I had 2 years of being with you every day. Sending you to nursery that first afternoon was heartbreaking for us both but it was the first transition of our inevitable separation. We both adjusted, as I knew we would, and now as we prepare for this next phase in our lives I want you to know that you'll always be my little boy. I'll never forget those night time feeds with you curled up in my arms, our daily walks to the "riber" or those big eyes looking up at me with your arms wrapped around my legs as you say, "Mama, big cuddle."

As your little sister enters this world I hope you don't feel too sad. Mama will always be there and I know you'll be my biggest helper and her number one fan. So I'm hear to ask you, my little sidekick, are you ready to do this?