Increasing that Baby Bond

unrelated image but too cute not to share

If you're anything like me you wanted to breastfeed for 18 months. Unfortunately an inoperable tongue tie and thrush combination got in the way of carrying out that dream. Reading too many stories of women that were able to breastfeed successfully after weeks of trying with a tongue tie gave me hope. However, after 10 weeks effort and Sage firmly announcing (with Soper ferocity) last night that she would just prefer the bottle I finally realised just how selfish I have been. In my quest to breastfeed at all cost Sage lost 7 ounces one week, another week she cried while she was latched on, another week she had to endure her mother crying during every bottlefeed, and for what, a couple of ounces of antibodies? It was not all miserable, we had many happy breastfeeding moments which is probably why hope stuck around for as long as it did. This morning I happily expressed 3 ounces and I will carry on expressing when I have some spare time until the milk goes because for whatever reason it makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Anyway, bottlefeeding can be like breastfeeding if you only see the potential.

Ten ways to make bottlefeeding like breastfeeding and how to increase that baby bond:

1. Do the majority of the feeds. Want that strong bond, feed your baby. I do nearly all of Sage's feeds, not because Josh isn't willing but because I need to for my own mental health. On the weekend, when Josh is able to help out at night, I rarely take him up on the offer. He maybe gives her a bottle 2-3 times a week. However, it is important to involve the dad so my advice here is to do what you would have done if breastfeeding worked out. If you were going to let dad give a nightly bottle then do that. If you were going to have a holiday away and have another family member or friend give your baby expressed milk then by all means take that holiday and have someone else feed your baby. Date night? No problem leave a bottle of formula and skip your little backside out the door while singing school's out for summer!

I'm still the milk lady. As soon as Sage sees me her face lights up and she starts rooting, she doesn't do that for everyone and that's because despite bottles I have still fed her for nearly every single feed.

2. Hold, look and talk to your baby while feeding. How many breastfeeding moms do you know that are on their cell phone during the entire feed? How many bottle feeders do you know that stare at their baby until their neck hurts? One of the pros of bottle feeding is that you really have no choice but to interact with your baby because you need to use two hands. Take advantage of that time, before you know it your baby won't want to be held.

3. Baby wearing, do you know you can bottle feed your baby in a sling? I did it all the time with Cyril. Also if you feel like bottle feeders hold their babies less you can counteract this by babywearing. Personally when I was breastfeeding Sage I felt like I needed a break from holding her so she often went in her pram, now that she's bottlefed I wear her everyday in the sling and we both love it! I wore Cyril until my second trimester of pregnancy, I tried to wear him the other day but he protested, I cried. My baby has grown up.

4. Baths with baby. On the second bath of Cyril's life he nearly drowned, I just couldn't come to terms with baby baths so I gave them back to the person I borrowed them from and I've been bathing with Cyril every since. Eventually we'll have to stop the ritual but that will be a very sad day. In the bath you get skin to skin and you can't be on your phone, watching the tele or reading. It's time to be completely engrossed with your toddler or baby and I'd never take that away.

5. Realise you can't control everything in life. Repeat, you cannot control everything Tatiana, keep telling yourself this until it sinks in. For 10 weeks I tried to control the situation and guess what I didn't win, but maybe I did. Perhaps this is my wake up call to just let life happen. Anyway enough about me, please realise some things are out of your control, the sooner you realise this the happier your life will become. Happiness comes from within nothing external can cause you lasting happiness.

6. Stop beating yourself up. Do you know a recent study shows that how healthy you are during your pregnancy actually has more to do with the health of your baby then breast or bottle feeding? I actually do believe this. Despite Cyril's daily visits to germ filled play groups, Hobson licking him in the face every single day and him frequently putting sticks in his mouth he only had one illness his first year of life and only a handful of colds since starting nursery. Obesity you say, unlikely. The kid never stops moving and although he never stops eating his diet is 90% organic (OK not since Sage was born, can we say far too many oven pizzas but for God's sake cut me some slack I've been too busy beating myself up to cook) and we're a very active family, also he's in the 25-centile for weight, so GFYS.

7. I'm pretty sure how you parent has more to do with bonding and family happiness then breastfeeding. I follow RIE parenting, have never hit my children, rarely raise my voice, build towers until my pride is hurt (Cyril likes to destroy every tower you build), and as a full time mother I spend far too much time with my children for them not to love me. Can we say cuddle monster? You can't escape mama kisses, yes I'm pretty amazing.

8. Realise feeding your child milk is the smallest portion of their life, 6-30 months max unless you're one of those weirdos that feeds their kids before they walk into school, please tell me you're not one of those people because I will judge you openly.

9. You can make bottlefeeding more convenient. I'll stop sterilising when we go to America and that's because in America they only advise you to sterilise your bottle after you take them out of the package. Since I'm American why make extra work for myself. If you're too paranoid you really don't need to sterilise once they start solids, you're not going to sterilise every dish in the house so why bother with the bottles. And I know it's not something the midwives will tell you but we fill our bottles with boiling water and measure out powder in little containers. Then I bring the bottles upstairs and put them on the heater in our room. When she wakes up I tip the container into the bottle, shake and the feed is ready just as quickly as undoing your top. I do the same when we go out.

10. I can't think of a number 10 which is just as well because Cyril has arrived home and he's brought me a Guinness!